Person: John Van Epp, PhD.
Thing: Book—How to Avoid Falling in Love With A Jerk
Place: The Human Heart
Idea: Van Epp says a love-interest’s jerk-like tendencies will manifest themselves within a set amount of time. And by following his suggested Relationship Attachment Model, budding relationships can maintain thoughtful balance, which decreases the likelihood of falling for a jerk.
Ahhhhh, February! Black History Month, heart health month, and the LOVE month!
Well this week’s Review is especially for all of you lonely souls—who look forward to growing to love the man or woman of your dreams! Maybe you just want a February Valentine.
This book is meant to prevent you from falling in love with a pendejo, an “a$$hole.” The title is more genteel…. “How to Avoid Falling in Love With A Jerk”.
I read the e-book version. Having fallen for a jerk or two in my past lives—when I read this, my aim was to avoid doing that again!
A few years ago, a man I went out with a few times alerted me to this book—along with one of the book’s major premises: That there is no substitute for TIME when trying to avoid falling for a jerk. How much time? Ninety days. And the author contends that 90 days is plenty good time for jerk-like patterns to reveal themselves.
Side note: In hindsight…the guy who recommended the book——was he warning me about himself? Hummm…
Van Epp says the principles in this book are part of his PICK program—that’s right—for folks trying to literally PICK a partner. If followed, the author pretty much guarantees you won’t marry a jerk! This book is chock full of acronyms—mnemonically friendly devices for you to keep handily in mind as you date.
FACES are critical in getting to know your partner:
- Family Background
- Attitudes and actions of the conscience
- Compatibility potential
- Examples of other relationships
- Skills in relationships
Use these areas to get to know your partner, while using the RAM model—which is supposed to strip jerks clean. You’ll see a jerk for who he—or she—is. By taking time to examine FACES, you will be well informed about potential partners.
RAM stands for Relationship Attachment Model, and essentially states that there are five dynamics intrinsic to all humans. They concern how deeply one knows a person, how well you trust, rely, are committed to them, and have sexual involvement with them.
As you get to know a potential partner, you’ll find out about their background, attitudes, compatibility, etc.—and as you do, and the relationship grows. ALL relationships are based on knowledge first. And if any of the other steps get ahead of knowledge—that puts relationship parties in a precarious situation—not necessarily physical but emotional.
You’ll have to get the book for the other nifty examples, and visual models that help make some principles easier to remember.
How to Avoid Falling In Love with a Jerk is a highly recommended read.
Next review—another love book!