Books, People, Quick-Fast Book Review, Things

QFBR: Measure of a Man

Person: Martin Greenfield; Maximilian Grunfeld
Thing: This book—Measure of a Man; a well made suit
Place: Pavlovo, Czechoslovakia; Concentration camps—Auschwitz, Buna, Buchenwald, Baltimore, Brooklyn… Various locales.
Idea: Grace makes an improbable life wonderfully possible.

Martin’s life started in Czechoslovakia. He was raised in an Orthodox Jewish household, but Martin says their faith wasn’t especially zealous. Life was good. They worked their own farm, took care of their livestock and even employed workers.

Then the trains arrived… and scuttled Martin’s family away. His mom, baby brother, younger sister and grandparents were sent in one direction. His other sister—taken away as well.

And then there were two. Martin and his dad. But they, too, were separated.

Martin never saw them again.

He survived Auschwitz, brutal marches through the snow, and Buchenwald, which is where Americans liberated them.

Martin’s main question through the succession of atrocities: “Where was God?”

His life took a few twists and turns after liberation–a stint in the Czech army, making a living as a cigarette runner, and meeting young ladies and having fun.

Martin was working as an auto mechanic when a letter arrived from the United States. He got someone to translate it, and learned he had extended family across the Atlantic.

Eventually, he settled in Brooklyn, worked for the suit maker GGG, a company with a client roster that included many high-profile Hollywood names.

Martin married, worked his way up the GGG ladder, and eventually purchased the company and re-named it.

Some have said Martin’s top-notch, made to measure suits are the best in the world. Repeat clients include U.S. presidents, Hollywood stars, athletes, and late night TV hosts.

Martin, whose family was almost decimated by hate, now runs the business with his sons. He notes how grace afforded the opportunity to create another family to love and nurture. Though there were MANY opportunities for death to smother him during World War II, it wasn’t able to snuff his existence.

After decades of hard work, opportunity, and success, and a bar mitzvah at age 80, Martin says he’s “left with nothing but gratitude for my life. Some things, it turns out, are beyond measure.”

Books, Quick-Fast Book Review, Things

Sleep your way to a better life AND feel good about it

Person: Arianna Huffington
Places: A lot of ‘em
Thing: Sweet sleep… and a book, Sleep Revolution: Transforming Your Life, One Night at a Time
Idea: Get some. More than just some. Huffington says get plenty.

Let’s just sum up this book in one command: Go to sleep, d@mmit. Of course there are variations, such as a get more sleep, dammit… Or get better quality sleep, d@mmit… But it all boils down to making the most of our sleeping hours not only to rejuvenate and recharge each night, but to also connect with our inner selves, our subconscious through dreams.

Huffington culls all sorts of research on sleep, From ancient sleep traditions and mindsets that include holding sleep as sacred, to modern conceptions that catching some ZZZZZZs is a an annoyance that prevents folks from getting “things” done, whatever those things might be. Human beings need, need, need sleep to be more productive at work and play, to improve our relationships, and to maintain or improve health.

There’s even an entire section on how to bulk up our sleep lives by adjusting relationships with our mobile devices, with room temperatures at bedtime, and even adjusting our relationship with exercise and diet to aid in getting better quality sleep each night. Huffington even discusses natural remedies for folks who are having trouble getting to sleep.

For fashionistas, there’s also a way to dress for beddy-bye time. Yes, it’s there.  If you choose to jump ahead in the book, it’s called “The Bedtime Dress Code: What to Wear, What Not to Wear.” Don’t expect E!-style red carpet fashion reviews, but the tips definitely work for the subject matter.

Sleep Revolution is a recommended book… Because it’s both informative and an easy read. Hell, after reading this book, I think maybe the world would be a better place if people slept more. We should all take advice from a book written for frustrated and possibly sleep-deprived parents…and “Go the F*ck to Sleep.”

Books, Ideas, Quick-Fast Book Review, Religion, Things

Quick-Fast Book Review: Quitting Church

Person: Julia Duin
Thing: Book—Quitting Church
Place: Various
Idea: Once adherent congregants are ditching their churches. Whether they’re fleeing in droves or trickling one member at a time, the attrition is noticeable. But those who leave aren’t necessarily ditching their faith. So what’s the deal?

In this book, Duin breaks down some reasons God-fearing and God-loving folks are finding a more comfortable home outside church structures and strictures.

In short, the faithful pack their belief and find spiritual solace elsewhere because the church is:
• Irrelevant and not addressing 21st century needs.
• Not a teeming and supportive community that folks need.
• Not concerned about singles over 35 years of age outside of how those unattached individuals can serve the church.
• The teaching is too basic and doesn’t stretch the mind. Some need basic biblical teaching, but that doesn’t encompass everyone’s needs. And what about tough areas of ambiguity? What about questions with no easy, pithy answers?
• Some churches are strangled by controlling pastors.
• And although women make large, large swaths of church membership, their leadership presence is glaringly absent… and in some cases, glaringly stifled into second-class status.
• Some can’t find that passionate spirit they so long for within a church body.

I think this book brings up some interesting points. Some I relate to more than others, as a once-weekly attendee who now finds a growing comfort with regular, but decreased frequency.

I recommend this book for anyone who is frustrated with the church experience and anyone who just wants to know they’re not alone. As for help fixing what’s broken, that’s an individual decision. Maybe you’ll find solace in leaving your church, or inspiration to tinker about and repair what’s broken in your local congregation—or even your denomination. If you’re not religious at all, ignore this recommendation and continue being kind to your neighbor… Amen.

Books, Ideas, Quick-Fast Book Review, Religion, Things

QFBR: Why Certainty is Sometimes Certainly Wrong

Person:  Peter Enns
Place: The mind
Thing: Book – The Sin of Certainty
Idea: A bunch of Christians might get sad reading this book.  Maybe they’ll weep or get steaming mad and gnash their teeth. According to Enns, the rock-solid certainty many segments of Christianity seek—is a sin.  Clutch your church pearls, your beads and your prayer cloths folks, and I’ll explain what he says:

Faith has nothing to do with knowing rules and tenets of what you believe. Faith is about actual trust in God. It’s also about distinguishing between knowing doctrine and trusting the God of whatever denomination to which you adhere. Enns says separating the two is key to a deeper, abiding Christian faith experience.

Christians seem certain about everything. What happens when people die, how the world developed, how the world will end. But with so many denominations and interpretations of scripture, someone’s certainty is certainly faulty. Doubt is cast as an enemy to be avoided… and vanquished if it pops up anywhere. Peter Enns writes that doubt isn’t the enemy a Christian should fear. Doubt is something to be faced head on… not as a warrior, but an explorer. Doubt’s pain and uncertainty, if explored, can be a means to develop trust. (I imagine trusting God is the entire point of being a Christian…)

Ditching certainty at all costs can unsettle and challenge faith…  It’s a lack of certainty that can make a person cut and run or stand firm (or curl up in a writhing ball) and insist “ I’m going to trust God anyway.”  THAT seems more demonstrative of faith than running down a list of creeds.  It’s certainly more Christian than shafting and bad-mouthing fellow believers who dare rethink faith as something bigger than reciting fundamental beliefs.  But maybe that’s too much of a challenge to some Christian communities. Knowing what you believe is nice (Enns insists knowing those beliefs is not a sin) but it’s never, ever better than trusting God in all matters… even the ones that seem counterintuitive, stupid and senseless. Doubt forces us to look deeper then our tenets  and find, define, and refine a relationship with the divine through difficult moments.

Ends insists God is still God, even if and when we get pissed off at Him… or Her… (or Him/Her).  Enns challenges readers not to fake like all is good when we’re mad at God. Just be mad, but work through the mess to find a closer, trusting connection with God. Trust is a habit you won’t find in a doctrine book. Folks just have to live it because (as the books subtitle says) “God desires our trust more than our beliefs.”

This is a highly recommended book because:

  1. It’s controversial… I imagine this might ruffle some stuffy fundamentalist feathers (and I say this as a Christian).
  2. It’s also a fun and thought-provoking read that might make someone reconsider another aspect of what it means to “have faith.”

 

Books, Quick-Fast Book Review, Things

A legendary journalist’s fight for life, trudge toward healing

Person: Tom Brokaw
Place: South Dakota, New York, the television news anchor’s chair and other worldly locales
Thing: Book-A Lucky Life Interrupted
Idea:  You’ve probably seen the hashtags.  Cancer sucks.  It can upend any life–from the most forward-propelled to the most brackish and stagnant. In the case of legendary former NBC Nightly News anchor Tom Brokaw, his existence-up until his multiple myeloma diagnosis- had been pretty idyllic-with a couple of bumps along the way–namely, early adult life lessons that got him on the right track.
Brokaw’s career path led to one of the most trusted positions in the country… That of network evening news anchor. It’s a position of public trust.  Not exactly the same as  government workers, law enforcement professionals or teachers, but as a nightly cornerstone of the Fourth Estate, it is a position where credibility is of utmost importance.
Then MM wormed its way into his life, and the lives of his family members.  But like a lot of forceful experiences, there can be helpful lessons learned.  Those lessons could possibly translate into advice to pay forward to the next group of everyday people who get to don the unwanted cloak of cancer warrior.  Brokaw also wrote about fellow MM and other cancer sufferers who succumbed to the disease, while weaving in the end days of one of his brothers, whose memories and life were erased… swept away by Alzheimer’s disease.
This, Brokaw’s seventh book, is a memoir of his arduous journey through it all… a rundown of his  daily battle-not against an outside invader-but his body’s reaction against itself.
Yes, he is the main focus of his ups and downs during this time, but readers can get warm and gratitude-filled glimpses into the work, time, care and advocacy “Team Brokaw” pitched in during his trudge toward recovery.  A difficult trek that Brokaw admits isn’t a forever guarantee of wellness henceforth.
Even with 16 months of chemo, powerful pill combinations and other treatments to redirect his body toward normal, this is a gratitude-laced read. Brokaw still maintains his is a lovely life.

Books, Love and Relationships, Quick-Fast Book Review, Things

Quick-Fast Book Review: Think Like a Man; Act Like a Lady

Person: Steve Harvey
Thing: Book—Think Like a Man; Act Like a Lady
Place:  The dating world
Idea:   When it comes to dating, heterosexual women just need to give up. Not on men, but give up on hoping and praying men will “act right.” Often times, “acting right” means men should start acting like the dudes in a woman’s fantasy land.. which can be her mind.

Ain’t. Gonna. Happen. That’s the word according to Steve Harvey.

In this book, which is an easy and pleasant read, Harvey insists men are simple creatures. If women learned about and accepted what drives men, and how their ways of expressing love are different from the ways women tend to show love, things could be better in that arena.

But women need to accept the differences.

This book, when distilled to its essence, is a handy checklist of things to remember while navigating  romantic relationships.

If a man loves you, he’ll profess it, provide for you, and protect you. And Harvey says a man only needs three things from a woman he loves: Your support, loyalty, and “the cookie” (yet another way to say “good lovin’” or sexual healing).

Just don’t expect him to engage you like your girlfriends do.

He ain’t them.

If you want one man’s perspective, and a funny one at that, pick up this book. Take or leave his advice, but (IMHO) there’s something to be said about taking advice about men… from a man.

Books, Ideas, Love and Relationships, Quick-Fast Book Review, Things

Don’t get jacked! How to: Fall, stay and renew on love’s pathway

Person: Joe Beam
Thing: Book—The Art of Falling in Love: Four Steps to Falling in Love, Staying in Love, Renewing Lost Love
Place:  Your life, my life, and the mind of anyone looking to find or maintain a love relationship.
Idea:   Love isn’t a willy-nilly concept for the weak-minded or faint of heart. In my humble opinion, love is a state of mind, state of being, and there are practical steps to fall, stay, and renew lost love—at any stage of the love cycle.

We’re continuing our sappy love salute with books that could be categorized as “How not to jack up your relationship.”

For those folks lookin’ for love—some suggestions that may help you—while decreasing the likelihood of you losing your mind in the process.

This week’s book–“The Art of Falling in Love” is for anyone who wants to know how not to get emotionally jacked up while seeking a relationship.

There’s one chapter that really resonates with me—the one called “Craving for Caring.” Beam breaks down the ways to satisfy that craving on what he calls the “Pathway to Love.” Those four steps are:

  • Attraction
  • Acceptance
  • Attachment
  • Aspiration

Everyone wants someone with appeal—emotional, physical, intellectual—and from that attraction, we then accept the person as they are. But in order to find acceptance from another, you must accept yourself first. Not the picture you want to be, but the person you actually are. By accepting you, hopefully those attracted to you will actually like you, and not a snapshot of your highlighted best angles… that that carefully constructed persona meant for public consumption.

However, we still have no control over the picture of us someone else may paint in his or her own mind. It is up to that person to ask him/herself if they are attracted to the real person or who they perceive this person should be.

Beam says one thing that seems to contradict prior information I have read about keeping relationships alive—the idea that communication is the most important element in a relationship. Not so, says Beam. Respect is. Without respect, there can be no path to love.

He also discusses a concept called Limerence—which is that almost obsessive, emotionally charged high over—not a joint—but over a person, or the limerent object. And limerence is powerful. It’s only based on passion and perfection. Passionate feelings and a blemish-free view of the object. Sometimes limerence happens when two people are single. Beware though—because a limerent may also be married—and if this passion is not held in check, a man or woman in limerence may destroy a long-standing union in favor of the temporary high this infatuation brings.

Another discussion:  The bonds needed to form long-term attachments. Beam  addresses the need to understand a partner’s differences in order to meet his or her needs, and what happens if those needs are not met. Equally important, is a discussion of what sends people back down the love path—in reverse—away from love. Beam contends that any couple along the love path can restore a fractured relationship by revisiting what sent them on the path to begin with.

There’s even a chapter on productive anger, how to process it without weakening a relationship—and the role forgiveness plays in a working relationship. Follow the steps on Beam’s love path and you might find yourself aspiring together, dreaming, planning, and working to meet each other’s needs. That intimacy is where some say they want to be, but Beam says—and I agree—It. Is. Work. It’s totally intentional.

Another highly recommend read!

Books, Love and Relationships, Quick-Fast Book Review, Things

Quick-Fast Book Review: Learn to recognize and drop a jerk in less time

Person: John Van Epp, PhD.
Thing: Book—How to Avoid Falling in Love With A Jerk
Place:  The Human Heart
Idea:   Van Epp says a love-interest’s jerk-like tendencies will manifest themselves within a set amount of time. And by following his suggested Relationship Attachment Model, budding relationships can maintain thoughtful balance, which decreases the likelihood of falling for a jerk.

Ahhhhh, February! Black History Month, heart health month, and the LOVE month!

Well this week’s Review is especially for all of you lonely souls—who look forward to growing to love the man or woman of your dreams! Maybe you just want a February Valentine.

This book is meant to prevent you from falling in love with a pendejo, an “a$$hole.” The title is more genteel…. “How to Avoid Falling in Love With A Jerk”.

I read the e-book version. Having fallen for a jerk or two in my past lives—when I read this, my aim was to avoid doing that again!

A few years ago, a man I went out with a few times alerted me to this book—along with one of the book’s major premises: That there is no substitute for TIME when trying to avoid falling for a jerk. How much time? Ninety days. And the author contends that 90 days is plenty good time for jerk-like patterns to reveal themselves.

Side note: In hindsight…the guy who recommended the book——was he warning me about himself? Hummm…

Van Epp says the principles in this book are part of his PICK program—that’s right—for folks trying to literally PICK a partner. If followed, the author pretty much guarantees you won’t marry a jerk! This book is chock full of acronyms—mnemonically friendly devices for you to keep handily in mind as you date.

For example:

FACES are critical in getting to know your partner:

  • Family Background
  • Attitudes and actions of the conscience
  • Compatibility potential
  • Examples of other relationships
  • Skills in relationships

Use these areas to get to know your partner, while using the RAM model—which is supposed to strip jerks clean. You’ll see a jerk for who he—or she—is. By taking time to examine FACES, you will be well informed about potential partners.

RAM stands for Relationship Attachment Model, and essentially states that there are five dynamics intrinsic to all humans. They concern how deeply one knows a person, how well you trust, rely, are committed to them, and have sexual involvement with them.

As you get to know a potential partner, you’ll find out about their background, attitudes, compatibility, etc.—and as you do, and the relationship grows. ALL relationships are based on knowledge first.   And if any of the other steps get ahead of knowledge—that puts relationship parties in a precarious situation—not necessarily physical but emotional.

You’ll have to get the book for the other nifty examples, and visual models that help make some principles easier to remember.

How to Avoid Falling In Love with a Jerk is a highly recommended read.

Next review—another love book!

Books, People, Things

From bubble butt to Giant to TV powerhouse: Michael Strahan’s tips for happy living

Once upon time, his brothers and their friends called him Bob.

Yes, his name is Michael.
No, Bob isn’t an obscure, ages-old shortcut.

But a younger Strahan was a little fluffy around the edges, but didn’t realize it until one of their friends asked Michael if he knew why they called him “Bob”.

He didn’t.  So this friend, Anthony, told him.

Bob stood for “Booty on Back.” Anthony informed Michael it was because he was fat.

Wow. Kids can be cruel.

In his book Wake Up Happy, Strahan shares his road to transformation from that boy with the bubble butt to NFL star…

It was followed by another reinvention after he retired from football and slid into a television career. Don’t get it twisted… This dippy slide was peppered with bumps with lessons.

But no matter what, Strahan contends it’s possible to wake up happy. He shares 18 ways to do so that are supported by lessons from his life.

Here are three that stand out most:

“Rule #1: Help can—and will—come from the most unexpected places. Be open to everything around you.”

“Rule #3: Grit, desire, and discipline are free and the only equipment you need to start just about any endeavor you’ll set out to do.”

“Rule # 12: Listen to other people, but don’t take their opinions for fact. Have your own experiences. Draw your own conclusions.”

I recommend this book because Strahan isn’t trying to reinvent the wheel with this read. He’s just sharing his man’s journey to happiness… Through bumps and bruises, pain, mistakes; and openness about the areas  he still wants to improve.

Seems it might be a tad cumbersome to remember 18 different rules for navigating life, but these rules could serve as handy reminders to stay persistent if you want to do more, achieve more.  It’s natural to  sometimes have doubts or feel stuck in doldrums, but it’s also possible to still live smack-dab in happy’s face even while yearning and working for certain aspects of the life you desire to fall into place.

People, Places, Things, Ideas!

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