Sometimes romantic relationships SUCK. Especially when they run off the rails…whether it be from growing differences between relatants or if someone just up and decides they don’t want you anymore, but they don’t bother to tell you about it.
Basically—when someone ghosts you.
Today’s guest experienced ghosting…she was the ghostee—if you will. Old boy turned her loose, but didn’t verbally communicate that to her—and wouldn’t communicate with her as she tried to get to the bottom of things.
So Lenina Mortimer wrote a book about it—to help someone else along the ghastly breakup recovery path.
Take a listen to Lenina Mortimer, author of the book “I Ain’t Thinking About You…The 8 Step Guide to Finally Letting Him Go Using the Breakup Funeral Method.”
Let’s get this mourning in motion…On Planet Noun.
1:50—Getting the un-holy ghost(ting)
3:09—Discovering the root of dysfunctional relationships
6:24—Creating the Breakup Funeral
14:51—Timing: When is it best to hold a breakup funeral?
19:20—Why separation is healthy after a breakup/Why the Breakup Funeral is a communal experience
25:54—Running into the ghosted
30:09—A love letter to black women
35:32—Self-care is crucial to breakup recovery
38:50—Steering clear of breakup traps
41:31—To forgive or not to forgive?And when?
Get your e-book copy
Find out more about Lenina Mortimer and her work! Let’s start with a link to her e-book “I Ain’t Thinking About You…The 8 Step Guide to Finally Letting Him Go Using the Breakup Funeral Method.”
Lenina’s also on social media. You can learn more about her coaching services there. Facebook Instagram
There’s a neighborhood in the dusty corners of the ‘hood, not terribly far from where the rich people live, where too many young teen girls have gone missing lately.
Then it happens—again.
This time, it’s 13-year-old Chanita Lords who has vanished from a neighborhood in Los Angeles known as The Jungle.
It’s another case that strikes Detective Elouise “Lou” Norton in the heart and gut because she grew up in that neighborhood. Norton also recently solved the case of her long-missing older sister Tori, whose bones had finally been discovered at a shopping plaza not far from where she was last seen all those years ago–part of the scant remnants of her last living day. Tori had been literally under their noses, yet just beyond reach.
So Lou takes another trip down memory lane to The Jungle, and to a family that still lives in the same apartments where Lou and her family used to reside.
Part of her walk includes revisiting and reuniting with families whose members were problematic on the bullying front back in the day. Now, it appears that foul attitudes and bullying jackassery were passed down to the next generation.
Lou manages to balance, though not always seamlessly, her unwavering dedication to police and detective work to keep other girls like Chanita from being snatched–while knowing how folks in her old neighborhood feel about the police and understanding why they do.
As part of the murder mystery backdrop, Rachel Howzell Hall continues to weave in relational dynamics between the characters in Lou’s life. From the ultra-tense sentiments she harbors toward her dad who ditched their family and is trying to make amends, to the tensions that arise based on cultural and environmental differences between the way Lou was raised and how her partner, Colin Taggert, grew up in Colorado.
But they still work well together as partners in crime solving, along with the other members of the homicide team. Part of the relational story includes a coming out and its aftermath between two longtime friends, and Lou’s attempts to juggle work and kind-sorta-but-not-really-but-still-kinda-sorta blossoming relationship with an Assistant District Attorney who seems like a great guy.
As for the murder mystery, Howzell Hall‘s writing, as always, keeps me guessing. Who are the main suspects? What’s up with the three mean hood chicks who lived in the same apartment complex as Chanita? Did they carry out one of those Lifetime-esque jealous cheerleader-type of murders and dump the body in a nearby park? What about the mom who had a roughneck boyfriend? The convicted pedophile who lived nearby? The girl’s counselor at school? Some of her schoolmates? Who, what-the-what, when, where, how and why?
Who killed Chanita and tried to deter investigators by injecting bug repellent into her thighs?
Who’s sending the ciphers and other mysterious notes? Who killed AGAIN? Is this a serial killer? What about the other missing girls? Who, when, where, what-the-what? How and WHY?
Well, that’s about all I can say without saying too much. But yes, is a page-turner! And I’m so gratified that I guessed the right killer! But the detectives thinning the field did make it easier, though.
To find out more, check out this read— Trail of Echoes. It was published in 2016.
(As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.)
When you know what you do best, sticking to your guns—as singer-songwriter PJ Morton writes and sings—is how to get your life’s work done.
Today’s podcast guest is N’Namdi Olufemi Bryant, a singer-songwriter and host of the podcast “For the Love of A Cappella.” We get into some themes of his latest album during this episode. It’s titled “If We Could Only Talk.”
So N’Namdi and I had been talking about doing a podcast together for MONTHS, but as usual, life takes on its own plans. We were going to have him on before an album release earlier this year, then tech difficulties took over his project.
But the idea was still in both of our orbits. So—lookie here—I saw on Instagram that N’Namdi was in Washington, D.C. I said to myself—GIRL…..let’s make this happen! If you don’t ask him if he’ll have time for an interview—it’s an automatic no!
I asked if he had an time to chat. He said yes, and here it is! It all worked out.
So we met up at the Mansion on O Street. It’s a tourist destination located just off the bustling Dupont Circle, and has a fascinating trove of history tied to it. It’s also where N’Namdi sometimes performs.
There are so many themes to this podcast, and to preserve the integrity of the conversation flow, I tried not to do too much lifting and pasting of interview parts. We talk about negative self-talk, and what N’Namdi does to overcome that hurdle. Also—a discussion on imperfection and about the different ways he stretched his vocal range.
During our talk I learned some things I didn’t know in the decades since we last saw each other.
So let’s get right to the conversation, where we start talking about his podcast “For the Love of A Capella,”and where he got the idea for his program.
07:55-Why it took him more than 10 years to complete one particular song arrangement
11:05—The makings and stories behind his current project “If We Could Only Talk”
21:30—How Kermit the Frog came up in our conversation
26:06—The road to vocal range
31:51—The time we talked about skylines and smog
33:39—Homeless in Huntsville, Ala. and Nashville
49:59—The part about albums, hilarious singing telegram and touching ride-share driver stories
That was N’Namdi Bryant…singer, songwriter, musical arranger…lover of a cappella! His new project “If We Could Only Talk” and his other albums are available on various online platforms–including iTunes.
Whew! This book may be fewer than 60 pages, and it’s an enjoyable read—but a dense one. By that I mean there’s lots to reflect on… And reflect some more. This book is a workshop!
Based on the title, I imagined a sassy, finger snapping read. That’s in here—along with research-based recommendations. I love when sass and humor meet academic research. I really relate to the tone of this book.
I also love the humor! Plenty of that in here, too…along with hope. That’s what I really, really like—all the steps are meant to get folks to hope.
My favorite parts include Chapter 4 and practical ways to get to acceptance—radical acceptance—and no longer blaming ourselves when someone we’re dating “ain’t actin’ right.”
Oh, and the necessity of forgiveness to get to a place of healing, and looking ahead to what we want life to look like after we’ve fully moved on.
There are 13 chapters total in the book, eight which outline the path leading to and including The Breakup Funeral™. Each chapter will ask you to do some thought work that involves accessing your deepest emotions surrounding the breakup (or breakups–plural– if it applies?) and any past influences that may impact your dating choices today. There are writing prompts that provide an outlet for all of that self-exploration and excavation.
Lenina Mortimer, the book’s author, recommends going through the eight steps in order because each step is builds up to the recovery culmination—The Breakup Funeral™.
Lookie here, seriously consider (then get) this book if you’re grappling with a recent breakup. Heck, you may want to check it out even if a relationship ended a while ago, but you’re still grappling with some residual grief. Even if your emotions and your mind ‘been known’ the person ain’t coming back, even if you don’t WANT them back—but you haven’t found it in you to start the path forward to thriving again… This book is also for you.
“I Ain’t Thinking About You” gets 5 out of 5 planets!
Amazon announced today that all current and new Prime Student members can subscribe for access to the premium tier Amazon Music Unlimited for an extra $0.99 a month. This comes just ahead of the new academic year as students are preparing to head to campus.
Students who subscribe to the add-on service will have ad-free access to more than 50 million on-demand songs and curated playlists, and be able to tell Alexa what to play via the Amazon Music App for iOS or Android, and all devices where Alexa’s digital spirit lives.
So…who likes to talk about death?
Put your hands up.
Yeah, I don’t know many people who love the topic, especially when they’re the subject.
But death’s a certainty. You won’t have a thing to worry about after you transition from this life, but your stuff isn’t going with you. What about the things you leave behind?
Well, that’s what attorney Suren G. Adams specializes in—helping folks get their final wishes in order before death ushers them to the exit—stage left.
“This is general information from an attorney and estate planner…For detailed information on your specific situation—please seek out the advice of a reputable estate planner,” Adams tells Planet Noun.
Let’s start with her pathway to helping folks wrangle up their loose ends BEFORE the end.
Even if you don’t possess a trove of dollars, jewels, land or vacation homes, Adams recommends that anyone age 18 or over have an estate plan in place.
Adams is based in Maryland, but she recommends the websites Wealth Counsel or Elder Counsel to help find reputable estate planners across the United States. Adams is a member of both, and recommends out of state callers to these sites.
“It usually means the person who is listed on that website is somebody that is getting very good education, because they put on really good continuing legal education courses, so that’s who I recommend to clients who call from another state that we don’t handle in terms of our licensing. We usually refer them to [those websites], because I can trust that the people on that website are, at least, getting good education, so they should be preparing a good estate plan,” Adams says.
Adams also refers clients to her book, “Leaving a Legacy Instead of a Mess.”
(As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.)
In this episode of Planet Noun, a chat with an up-and-coming…award-winning jazz musician Jazmin Ghent.
When she learned she won the 2019 NAACP Image Award for Outstanding Jazz Album, Ghent was in the midst of a trip to Australia.
“So I was absolutely shocked, so shocked, and I feel like it changed the dynamic of that whole trip in Australia. I just know it’s no one but God, and I’m beyond thankful, and I don’t take it lightly. You know, I’m representing women, African American women in music, in Jazz music, so I’m beyond thankful and grateful.”
When she’s not belting smooth tunes from her saxophone, she’s in the classroom teaching music to children in Polk County, Florida.
We talk about her pathway to jazz music, the saxophone, and how names and other language used with children can affect the trajectory of their lives.
She also talks about how words from musicians she looks up to helped guide her path.
“I did this Show Your Talent competition. The judges were Marcus Miller, Brian Culbertson and Boney James… It was surreal to be in front of these people I grew up listening to,” Ghent said.
“I was so nervous before I played, and Brian Culbertson came up to me and said ‘you know what, just have fun. And if you have fun, everyone else will have fun, too.’ That was the moment where I was like—maybe I could do this and record, and write and make this a career. That would be a defining moment.”
Ghent says she is on a constant path of self-improvement when it comes to her musical gifts.
“I feel like there’s this unattainable goal that I have for myself that I’m constantly working towards. I just know I had a love for music and it’s what I wanted to pursue. I can’t see myself doing anything else. So that’s what turned it into a career…”
Planet Noun is all about the People, Places, Things and Ideas that teach us, prompt us to make a difference and do more with what life presents. That’s exactly what Ghent is doing with her teaching and her music.
Listen to the entire interview —featuring Jazmin Ghent, winner of the 2019 NAACP Image Award for Outstanding Jazz Album.
WARNING: This episode contains cussing. And it’s not all bleeped out. So govern yourselves accordingly with earbuds and such.
The Glow Up. Been hearing a lot about that lately. First of all—what the F is that? Well, intuitively, I know what it is…but I had to consult a reputable source…
So…the Urban Dictionary tells me the Glow Up is when you go from wack-looking to gorgeous… another definition is to rise to the top from the bottom of whatever aspirational ladder a person is climbing. The Free Dictionary’s idioms section says something similar—Basically, it’s a fantastic transformation—that’s very real.
Who doesn’t want the Glow Up? I mean, who isn’t fascinated by someone’s rise from out of nowhere?
Thing is—I’ve learned—it’s hardly EVER from nowhere. The folks you love and adore today—famous folks or maybe other folks—have likely been working their tails off for YEARS in order to get the results that are now visible to lots of people.
A lot of more time-established shows and podcasts interview folks AFTER their glow has started, and there’s everything RIGHT with that.
But what about the folks who are somewhere in the middle, folks who are not quite at the top or at the bottom, but somewhere in between?
Well, today’s guest took time off of his grind to talk to me.
His name is Patrick Fenison. He’s one of many people committed to meeting their aspirations.
We start our conversation with the time Pat started recognizing his glimmer—when he KNEW he was born to be a performer.
3:45—When Pat knew performing was for him 5:42—Pat ain’t got no sense! His path to becoming a comedian 8:10—I’m going for it! 14:09—Creating a fanbase, then a move upsets hometown momentum 23:43—Everyone’s not going to believe in you; the importance of guarding curating your energy spaces with like-minded people 34:13—A story behind his video “Drop It” 46:30—Where to find Pat on social media
Well, that’s what Jason Thomas specializes in—making money work smarter for his clients to enable them to meet their financial goals.
Thomas is co-founder and president of The PILL Method, a financial counseling company that uses education and technology to show their clients ways to more astutely use their dollars and cents to move toward their financial goals and debt freedom.
“It can begin with simply having a checking and a savings account,” He told Planet Noun. “It does not require you to go get [a] loan, it doesn’t require anything else. What we can basically really show you—how to make your money smarter.”
Thomas joined Planet Noun for a conversation from his home in Jamaica, that’s where he and his wife Carmen and two sons moved recently from the United States.
Any day is a good day to profess affection… so—I admit—I’m in love. With books written by today’s guest! So, there’s this character named Elouise Norton who has captured my heart! Why? Because she’s so human… It’s like I know her.
I’m stoked that I got to interview her creator during a visit to Los Angeles!
Critically acclaimed crime fiction writer Rachel Howzell Hall is the author of several books, including the Lou Norton series, and another title They All Fall Down, which will be released on April 9.
We discuss a range of things from her origins as a writer, how she can explores through her characters, the dualities and unexpected realities of her page people—her characters, and more!
Take a listen to Rachel Howzell Hall on Planet Noun Episode 15!
Part 1—00:00-08:10 Where it all started
Part 1a—08:16-17:07 How a character, Detective Elouise Norton, was a tutor to Howzell Hall
Part 2—17:04-29:02 Characters you don’t expect… dualities and unexpected realities.
Part 3—29:05-36:20 Rachel’s journey toward crime fiction
Part 4—36:28-42:37 Reconciling characters and subject matter with a churchy upbringing
Part 5—42:40-end Most gratifying moments as an author, and maximizing her time as an author who also has a family and a full time job